I stared up at the ceiling.

  Well. The wooden beams that acted as a ceiling.

  It wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever slept under. But it was up there.

  My body ached from the hard floor. Every muscle felt stiff. My head throbbed from all the insanity of the day.

  And despite all of that?

  I wasn’t tired.

  Instead, my mind drifted—to Bob.

  My cat.

  The little gremlin had been curled up at the foot of my bed when I went to sleep.

  I frowned.

  Was he still there? Had he even noticed I was gone? Or was he just chilling, waiting for me to wake up and feed him?

  Would he get worried?

  Or, knowing Bob, would he just move on with his life and start meowing at the neighbor for food?

  I sighed.

  Then my thoughts shifted.

  Did time even flow the same way here?

  I had been here for what—a few hours? And in that time, I had:

  Woken up in a random vilge.Learned I was trapped in a medieval world with no magic.Discovered I had a skill that actively scammed me.Got conned into fighting a giant spider.Unintentionally burned down half the vilge.And now, I was apparently going on a suicide mission.All in the span of less than a day.

  That was a stupid amount of progress.

  Back home, I’d be lucky if I could get through a single email without procrastinating.

  If time was moving slower back in my world… would that mean no one even noticed I was gone?

  …Or, if it was moving faster, was I already missing for weeks?

  Would Brenda start texting me?

  Would she think I ghosted her?

  …Which, technically, I did. Because I got forcibly yeeted into another world.

  Still. That wasn’t the point.

  I really thought she was the one.

  Cute. A ginger. Loved anime, pyed games, cospyed.

  I really hit the jackpot with her.

  And now?

  She probably thought I was the worst boyfriend ever.

  I sighed again and rubbed my face.

  And then there was my dad.

  It was just me and him left.

  Would he call the cops? Would he assume I just ran off?

  …Would he think I was dead?

  I shook my head. Too much to think about.

  Instead, I closed my eyes.

  And after a few moments, I turned my head—only to see Elise curled up a few feet away, already asleep.

  I hesitated.

  Then, in a low whisper:

  “Hey. You still awake?”

  No response.

  I smirked.

  “If you don’t respond, I’m gonna tickle you.”

  Elise rolled over instantly, gring.

  “You do, and I’ll break your fingers.”

  I grinned.

  “So you were awake.”

  She groaned. “What do you want, Dan? Just go to sleep.”

  I shrugged. “Honestly? I can’t. Too much has happened. My brain’s just… wired.”

  Elise sighed.

  I shifted, grimacing as my back pressed against the hard floor.

  “Also, how do you sleep like this? This floor is horrible.”

  Elise scoffed. “Would you rather sleep outside?”

  I paused.

  “…No.”

  “Then be grateful.”

  I chuckled.

  “You know, I’m gonna miss my pce.”

  Elise snorted. “Bullshit.”

  I ughed. “Yeah, you’re right. I barely even stepped inside it.”

  Elise turned back around. “Go to sleep, Dan. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

  I sighed and didn’t bother her.

  Instead, I turned the other way—

  Only to freeze.

  Because Garron was staring directly at me.

  I blinked.

  “…Ugh. Hi?”

  Garron said nothing.

  He just kept staring.

  I awkwardly tried to turn the other way—

  But then his hand shot out, gripping my shoulder, stopping me.

  I swallowed.

  “…Look, man. I know I’m handsome and all, but I don’t swing that way.”

  Garron let go immediately.

  “Neither do I.”

  I sighed in relief. “Oh, good. That makes this slightly less creepy.”

  Garron crossed his arms.

  “I just want to make something clear.”

  I frowned. “Uh. Okay?”

  His eyes narrowed.

  “I’m keeping an eye on you.”

  I blinked.

  Then shrugged.

  “Cool. No need to worry. I’m not gonna do anything.”

  Garron didn’t even hesitate.

  “I know. But I’m going to make sure nothing happens to my precious daughter.”

  I stared at him.

  Then at Elise.

  Then back at him.

  Then I grinned.

  “Dude, that’s like super dad-like of you and all, but I have a dy.”

  Garron raised an eyebrow.

  I sighed dramatically.

  “Granted, she’s probably a bajillion light-years away and thinks I ghosted her, but hey, she’s out there.”

  Garron just stared.

  Then, after a moment, he just grunted.

  “Good.”

  Then he rolled over and went to sleep.

  I exhaled.

  Weird.

  I turned over, pulling my arms behind my head.

  Tomorrow was going to suck.

  I felt like garbage.

  And not like, "I stayed up too te pying games" garbage.

  No. This was worse.

  My back was killing me. My neck was stiff. I was pretty sure I had a splinter in my damn side.

  I groaned and sat up, cracking my sore shoulders.

  I needed a hot shower.

  A fresh pair of clothes.

  A venti caramel macchiato from my overpriced local Starbucks.

  Hell, I’d settle for a cheap instant coffee if it meant getting some damn caffeine.

  But, unfortunately?

  Starbucks didn’t exist here.

  And my Buy & Sell skill was a goddamn scam.

  I sighed.

  Elise stretched, blinking the sleep from her eyes as she gnced at me.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  I scoffed.

  “I need a shower. Some fresh clothes. A cup of coffee. And some 10-second cat videos to start my day.”

  Elise squinted.

  “…I understood maybe half of that.”

  I waved her off.

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s all stuff I don’t have.”

  Elise yawned. “Well, if you want to wash up and get some clothes, there’s always the well.”

  I stared.

  “…You mean the same well we used to put out the fire st night? The one that’s probably contaminated with ash, debris, and god-knows-what-else?”

  Elise shrugged. “Yup. That one.”

  I snorted.

  “Yeah, I’m good. I refuse to be so barbaric as to wash up in front of an entire vilge.”

  Elise tilted her head.

  “Why not? Everyone else does it.”

  I stared at her.

  Then at the well.

  Then back at her.

  “Because, Elise, I am what you call civilized.”

  Elise rolled her eyes.

  “Whatever, your loss. If you insist, though, my dad might have some extra clothes you can borrow.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Garron? The same guy who was watching me like a hawk all night? Yeah, no thanks.”

  Elise smirked.

  “You’re really scared of my dad, huh?”

  “I am not scared.”

  I totally was.

  She snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”

  I ignored her.

  “Besides, most of my problems can be solved with my Buy & Sell skill anyway.”

  Elise crossed her arms.

  “Oh? So why don’t you buy yourself some clothes then?”

  I sighed.

  “Because it’s stupidly overpriced.”

  She grinned. “But your skill is a cheat, right?”

  I gred. “Not when a single shirt costs 200.”

  She ughed.

  “Sucks to be you.”

  “You don’t have to remind me.”

  I stretched, rubbing my sore neck.

  “Whatever. One day without a shower isn’t the end of the world. Let’s just get this over with.”

  Elise nodded.

  “Yeah. After we kill another Queen Web Lurker or die trying, we can finally get that cure and start rebuilding.”

  I frowned.

  “Or… hear me out… we don’t do that.”

  Elise patted my back.

  “Come on. Time to be brave.”

  I groaned. “I am not built for this.”

  Elise smirked.

  We stepped outside and made our way toward the elder’s house.

  As we got closer, I noticed a small crowd gathered near the entrance.

  The vilgers looked tense.

  Brent was there, arms crossed, scowling.

  Garron stood to the side, watching everything.

  Marta leaned against her cane, looking annoyed as usual.

  The elder?

  He sat outside, rubbing his forehead like he had the world’s worst headache.

  Elise and I exchanged gnces.

  I sighed.

  “Yeah, I’m definitely about to be bmed for something again.”

  For the first time ever, I was not being bmed for anything.

  That should’ve been a good thing.

  Should’ve.

  Instead?

  The entire vilge was arguing about three main things:

  Food. They wanted more of it.A cure. Now that they knew there was one, they wanted it.The bodies. They wanted them torched.And honestly?

  That st one? I fully agreed with.

  Why were they even keeping the bodies around?

  I hadn’t thought about it before, but now that it was being brought up, it seemed really bad.

  I leaned over and whispered to Elise.

  “Hey, why didn’t they burn the bodies in the first pce?”

  Elise barely gnced at me.

  “The dead have to be taken care of by a priest so they can cross over to the other side. Otherwise, they risk becoming undead.”

  I froze.

  “…Undead?”

  Elise nodded, completely unfazed.

  “Yeah. If a priest doesn’t perform the sacred rites, the corpse has a high chance of wandering around mindlessly. It’s happened before.”

  I rubbed my temples.

  “This world just keeps getting better and better.”

  Elise snorted. “You sound thrilled.”

  “Oh, I am.”

  Sarcasm. So much sarcasm.

  Then, something else hit me.

  I squinted at her.

  “Okay, but like… have they never heard of basic hygiene?”

  Elise raised an eyebrow. “We wash ourselves, if that’s what you mean.”

  “Yeah, but how often? Once a day? And how often do you wash your hands? With what?”

  Elise just stared at me.

  “Why do you care?”

  I threw up my hands.

  “Because germs are a thing, Elise! And they can be very scary!”

  She sighed. “Right…”

  “No, I’m serious!”

  Before Elise could question my sanity further, Garron suddenly spoke up.

  “Enough. Everyone, calm down.”

  And just like that?

  People actually listened.

  Slowly, the shouting died down.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  Huh. So he did have a commanding presence.

  The elder cleared his throat.

  “Things are going to get better,” he said.

  I resisted the urge to ugh.

  He continued.

  “The bodies will be moved to a pit that we are digging. Until a priest can come, they will be kept there.”

  Brent nodded and stepped forward, grabbing a shovel leaning against the elder’s home.

  I blinked.

  Then I blinked again.

  Wait a minute.

  “Hey! That’s mine!”

  Elise immediately elbowed me in the side.

  I grunted. “Ow! What the hell was that for?!”

  She ignored me.

  So did everyone else.

  The elder kept talking.

  “With this tool we stumbled upon,” he said, “we can dig faster and deeper. Brent has volunteered to dig a rge pit to store the bodies until a priest arrives.”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  That was bullshit.

  Brent wasn’t volunteering because he was a good guy.

  He was volunteering because it meant he didn’t have to go fight a Queen Web Lurker.

  He was taking the easy way out.

  Damn.

  I should’ve thought of that.

  The elder kept going.

  “As for food,” he said, “we still have some vegetables, and Garron will go hunting after this meeting.”

  People nodded.

  Alright. Reasonable.

  Then came the worst part.

  “As for the cure,” the elder said, “we have a brave hero who has graciously volunteered to go out and retrieve the one rare ingredient we need.”

  I froze.

  What?

  The elder smiled.

  “Dan, step forward.”

  I looked around.

  Everyone’s eyes turned to me.

  I leaned toward Elise and whispered.

  “…Where’s Dan? Is there another one around here?”

  Elise rolled her eyes.

  “He’s talking about you, idiot.”

  I whispered back.

  “I don’t remember volunteering for anything. Especially not a solo mission to kill a giant death spider.”

  Elise grinned.

  “Well, you did. Congratutions, hero.”

  I sighed.

  Of course.

  Just another day in my terrible isekai experience.

  I stared at the elder.

  Then at the vilgers.

  Then back at the elder.

  Everyone was expecting me to step forward like some noble hero on a grand mission to save the vilge.

  I would’ve loved to tell them all to go to hell.

  Instead, I sighed and stepped forward.

  “Alright, let’s hear it.”

  The elder nodded. “You, along with a small team, will venture out and locate another Queen Web Lurker.”

  I raised a hand.

  “Uh-huh. And how, exactly, do we find one? Just yell out into the forest? ‘Hey, any murderous, acid-spitting spider queens wanna come out and die?’”

  Elise snorted.

  The elder ignored me.

  “They tend to nest in dark, areas. Deep in the forests, in caves, or abandoned ruins.”

  “Oh, fantastic.”

  The elder motioned to the side.

  “And these will be your companions for the journey.”

  I turned.

  Four people stepped forward.

  And the instant I saw them, I knew this was going to be a disaster.

  1. Garron – The Overprotective DadI knew he’d be coming.

  Which sucked.

  Because he still didn’t like me.

  And now we were supposed to work together to kill a giant monster.

  Yay.

  “I’ll ensure Elise stays safe,” Garron said.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “And me?”

  He looked at me.

  Then looked away.

  “…I’ll ensure Elise stays safe,” he repeated.

  Fantastic.

  2. Elise – The Sarcastic ArcherElise gave me a smug grin.

  “Guess we’re in this together.”

  “Oh, great.”

  3. Rowan – The Shady RogueThe third guy stepped forward, a thin dude wearing dark leather armor with a pair of daggers on his belt.

  “Rowan,” he said, smirking. “Pleasure to meet you, dead man.”

  I blinked.

  “…Excuse me?”

  Rowan shrugged.

  “Anyone volunteering for this suicide mission is already dead.”

  I crossed my arms.

  “I didn’t volunteer.”

  Rowan ughed.

  “Oh. Then you’re even more screwed.”

  Great. I already hated him.

  4. Vix – The Barely Awake MageThe st person was a girl with messy brown hair, heavy eyebags, and a robe that looked like she just crawled out of bed.

  She yawned.

  “Vix. Mage. Fireballs. Pew pew. Whatever.”

  She waved a zy hand.

  “…That’s your introduction?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I dunno. It’s too early for this. I just woke up.”

  “…It’s past noon.”

  “And?”

  I had no words.

  The elder smiled.

  “You all will leave tomorrow morning. Rest well.”

  I sighed.

  Garron, the grumpy dad.

  Elise, the sarcastic archer.

  Rowan, the rogue who’s already betting on my death.

  And Vix, the mage who looks like she’ll fall asleep mid-battle.

  This was the worst team ever.

  I was so going to die.

  IDislikeShonen