Yes, everything is still new, and I don't think I will get used to everything in a few weeks. I think some may think I would be strange in just accepting this new world and trying to adapt instead of desperately searching for a way back. Or at least miss the world where they came from but not me. If I am being honest, there is nothing significant to return to. My family? No, not them, I would rather stay dead.
I always felt like I wasn’t part of their family, someone they couldn’t accept, often told things like:
“You always do nothing, and that is what your mistake is”
“You are so arrogant and self-centred, you could at least care a bit for the people you are living with”
“At least your sister has real feelings”
“You always pretend to be oh so smart, and what is now, why don’t you prove it to us?”
“When you leave to study, why should I leave your room untouched ?”
“This isn’t a hotel you know”.
I could add at least a hundred more of those unfounded accusations but in the end, this is how my family saw me, they showed it, with their words and actions. I was unwanted.
It's laughable really and sad at the same time. Their assumption blinded them, they couldn't see all the things I considered before doing a simple thing like using the toilet. Why would they? They didn't feel like they were living in a cage, each comment another sentence for more caution. I knew their preferences, I needed to know it. How else would I be able to function around them otherwise? When they usually wake up, it would be a safe time to go to the toilet in case it is too noisy and I accidentally wake them?
Cooking a meal is another great example. What would be liked by them, but yet something I would like to eat as well. My sister hates potatoes, my mother cannot have too many tomatoes, it can't be too spicy, they don't like that, I do, Can't be with meat, my sister doesn't eat that, or you need to think about something else she would eat. Don't experiment with new things, they don't like that, remember to think up something, and don't be repetitive. They already planned that this week, not that they told me that, so how would I know.?
“You always say you are busy but you could really help out sometimes”
When I say I am busy, I am. ‘I leave before you in the morning and return after you in the evening. When I return I have to eat with you, regardless of, if I am actually hungry or not. Then I still have homework due for tomorrow which I will be sitting on for the next two to three hours, and I really should learn a bit as well. By the time I am done, the day will be over again. Just for tomorrow to start like this again. Tell me where in the world shall I find the capacity to remember every little thing you would love for me to do as well?’ I would have loved to yell that in her direction, more than once.
‘Wasn't she the one that always told me to go get a higher education, and now that I am struggling with it, why does she not understand how hard I am trying?’ I never understood, it isn't something I could comprehend. My words never seemed to reach her. It was always brushed off with “When I was your age I did an apprenticeship, we had school there and we had to work in the company. We didn't have that luxury and we even earned money already.” How often that made me wish to scream. Silently, of course, can't be too loud, they don't like that.
They couldn't see me, they didn't understand me. I am lucky that I died in a car crash where I shouldn’t have. I never felt so free, so easily able to breathe.
I was at the point already where, either my life would have ended at my own hands, or it would have dragged on for a while longer, hoping Death would lay claim upon me. Another thing where I can here countless of their comments berating me, for being ungrateful, for considering throwing away my life.
All of this was never anchored in hating Life and being ungrateful for her gift but in a deep-seated tiredness. I was tired of the way humans behaved, tired of how pointless everything was and is. I had grown so tired that no amount of sleep could take the tiredness away. I didn't wish for the relief the end can bring out of hate, but rather the opposite. I wished for life to be beautiful and nice, for it to fulfil me and give me hope, yet every hope was slowly stolen and returned broken.
I look at this new world as a chance, maybe this time I'll be able to see more in it than broken hopes and dreams. I have to thank Death for giving me this second chance. And while this "excitement", was just an excuse that might give me some purpose, I'll try to do my best here.
***
Any further thoughts are interrupted by a soft knock at my door. It must be Fidel, my intrusive thoughts supply. I voice my allowance for him to enter. It feels strange, that someone actually waits for me to allow them in, and isn't already half inside when they knock.
When he steps inside he has a silver tablet in his hand. I smell the scent of freshly brewed tea. Usually, my face would cohort in disgust, as I never enjoyed tea, yet I feel myself smiling as if this was an enjoyable part of my usual routine.
“My lady, I hope the sleep you had was restful”, he tells me while he takes away my comfortable protection against the cold. Being still tired, I don’t have the energy to make any other face than my usual which means I essentially glare at him, which only forms a smile on his lips in reaction, as if that is my usual response to his action. The smile seems fond. Fidel then forces me to choose a presentable outfit, before he tames my hair. My grumpy behaviour only amuses him further.
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
Now I am sitting at the breakfast table and looking at the article the newspaper wrote about yesterday’s incident. They must have had an insider because some of those things are strangely accurate. The article about the last three victims before wasn't as accurate as this one. They all told the same story. Strange. I will have to look into that.
***
Before I head to school I look at my quest-log, only to notice that I completed the timed side quest. How I completed the second half is a riddle, but either way I will probably find out later.
QUEST-LOG
Main Quest:
Find the Culprit responsible for the ongoing murder series in the Pentastar High School. (Rewards 1’500 EXP, 4 SP, 2 SKP)
Sub Quest(s):
Examine the first three victims. (Completed, your Level has risen to Level 3 2 SKP each have been added )
Find a lead. (500 EXP)
Capture the culprit. (1000 EXP, 1 SP)
Side Quest(s):
Meet the student council and become a member of it. (Completed, a new Title has been added and can now be activated)
None {please go on with your day to trigger new quests}
After reading through the quest rewards I switch back to the Overview to take care of the other aspects.
OVERVIEW
Player name:
Lukida Aneseris Black
Gender:
female
Level 3 (0/400 EXP) (Level ups grant 2 SKP)
Stats:
- Strength: 20
- Constitution: 20
- Agility: 20
- Charisma: 20
- Intelligence: 22
- Knowledge: 20
- Undisputed Stat Points (SP): 0
Skills:
- Skill points (SKP): 4
- World knowledge (passive, Level 1(3 Skill Points needed for Level up))
- Duchy Management (passive, Level 1(1 Skill Points needed for Level up))
- Etiquette (passive, Level 1 ( 7 Skill Points needed for Level up))
- Black Madness (passive, Level 1 ( 5 Skill Points needed for Level up))
- Obsessions (passive, Level 1 (Levels up based on Black Madness Level), Obsessions (Learning, -,-))
Titles:
- Head of the Ducal House of Black (gives Player the control of all assets of the Black Family)
- Student's Council President (not activated)
I activate my newest title then the notice changes to "Student's Council President (gives Player Authority over the Pentastar High-Schools Student's Council)". After that, my thoughts wander to the skill points I now have available and how many I would need to level up some of my skills. I decide to keep collecting them for now, unable to decide on the best course of action.
***
The steps of my aunt entering the dining hall stop any further pondering. “Good morning, my little star”, she greets me, her voice filled with worry, as she places a gentle kiss on my forehead and draws me into a hug. She probably heard that I didn't sleep well.
“Good Morning Aunt Alessia”, I greet her, wrapping my arms around her. She feels warm, comforting, and strong, some of the still present, underlying tenseness fades.
“ I am here for you, my little Star. Whenever you want to talk I will be here”, she tells me with soft whispers. I simply nod. She makes me feel secure, in this unknown place.
“Thank you Aunty”, I catch myself saying. She smiles at me. I wish we could stay like this for a little longer, but such moments barely last longer than a short while.
Fidel enters the room telling us, it's time to leave, she lets go and we return to our more formal attitudes. Kallum drives us to school, this time I don't look out of the window, rather I focus on the documents my aunt handed me. While I read through them, I note down the things I gather from them on a separate sheet of paper.
A few things I wrote down are: All victims were sedated. Those crimes are certainly planned. Who could be the one behind it? If they are so planned, is there something more to it? When I read my questions again a thought rushes through my mind. What if there were truly something more behind it? Besides being a serial killer. The more I think about it the more that thought solidifies. What if it is that way?
“Fuck”, I curse out loud. My aunt looks at me with expecting eyes, awaiting an explanation. “I just had a very gruesome thought. I hope it won’t turn out like that,” I mumble. She nods and accepts that answer, for now, I am sure she will expect a more detailed answer later on.
Another sigh escapes me, this time because of the heavy load on my shoulders. I had been 17 in my old world, just as I am here now, that isn't someone you would expect to lead such a case. Nor should the responsibility of an entire executive body rest on the same shoulders either, I wonder why my aunt wasn't given the task instead, why not her or anyone remotely more qualified?
This makes me want to sigh again, I do know why my history lesson explained it yesterday, and so did my World Knowledge skill. The heir will inherit the Head title regardless of age, and tasks assigned to the Head must be fulfilled by the head under the assistance of their House. That is apparently what the founding laws of the Kingdom State are, what for asshole ancestors making such laws.
We reach the school and a part of the Knight Order greets me. I had them stationed here to watch the scene and the school for suspicious behaviour. They report no new information, so I inform them about what steps we will take next. I give out the orders and tasks, they nod in understanding, and then they leave to do their tasks.
Surprisingly I am not swarmed by students, some greet me on my way to the building, and some are a bit more distant than yesterday. I take in their reactions and keep in mind to look into it.