Eventually, Sandra had given up her plan of being in charge of this madhouse. The whim had come and faded, with time. She realized what she wanted wasn't for everyone else to stop being so stupid. It was that she wanted to not have to do her job.

  In retrospect, she remembered that lawyers and other bureaucrats in the organization were missing as well. Hellion fired them all, saying they were 'unnecessary now'.

  Sandra instead set her sights on a new goal: being a lesbian. It was always something she wanted to try once in life, just for the hell of it.

  And she had a target in mind already. Not Buzzer, goodness no. Whatever Tofu had done to him, had done little to improve his looks and nothing to improve his personality.

  No, Sandra was hunting bigger game. Case in point.

  Ahead of them, a city block burned in flame. Hellion stood tall in stark contrast, like an unplacatable goddess. Her clothes fluttered in the wind kicked up by the backdraft.

  "Boss... you look so cool. Would you... hold me....?" Sandra held out her arms.

  Hellion gazed down at her balefully. "Are you that desperate to do something interesting with your life?"

  Sandra looked crestfallen as the words sank in. They cut deep.

  Hellion left, her enemies now reduced to ash, silently walking past her.

  Sandra was having a crisis of purpose. 'If I'm not everyone's mom, then who am I??' A question all those with external drives ask themselves. A curse of being dependent on others for meaning.

  So she ended up in the last place she'd thought she'd be: talking to some priest about it.

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  "Hrm... so what you're saying is everyone else is having fun and living their lives, but you don't feel like you fit in with them anymore. That you're 'not that comedic of a character'. Is that it?"

  "Yes!"

  "Hrm... I must say, this is a situation I've little experience in. Most of the time, the people in here just want to be told it's okay to cheat on their wife or husband. Or that it's okay that they're an alcoholic or junkie. Or that it's okay they blew the family's savings on gambling or hookers. Hrm... this is outside my wheelhouse indeed...."

  "Please, I need some ideas here. I just got rejected by my boss, and I don't think I could dig a hole any deeper. I need guidance, father."

  "Hrm hrmmmm..... could you put it in terms I can understand? Cheating? Drugs? Stealing? Hrmmmmm... I suppose not... Ah! If you don't like your current work environment, couldn't you get another job? You could be a stripper. Or a plumber."

  "I can't do that. There's like... this kind of metaphysical tether that keeps me attached to these people."

  "Hrm.... that's weird... in that case it seems like you're in a dilly of a pickle, miss."

  Sandra left the church somehow feeling even worse than when she went in. Score a point for the miracles of religion. Whoever said talking problems out with other people was an idiot.

  On the way to her car, she saw some lady riding on the back of a large blue lobster... thing, down the middle of the street. Wait... isn't that Buzzer?!

  Buzzer pointed at her while juggling one of his fancy new girlboobs with the other hand, before giving Sandra some life advice:

  "Get a boyfriend, loser!"

  The lobster lady giggled and waved a claw. "Oh, you."