Chapter 7

  The dwarves were howling with laughter at their table, their attentions drawn to the other side of the room where Charlie had just flicked a fresh dagger with her tail into her hand and pointed at one of three hooded creatures. As Andro sauntered over to see what the fuss was all about, Victoria reached out to grab his arm but missed. She pulled her hand back tightly to her mouth and began chewing her nails more intensely than before. Andro did not notice any of this as his entire demeanor seemed to pull a heavier gravity onto his face.

  He was only a few steps away from Charlie when he spoke, “Charlie. No muscle. Fuck these guys, they’re nobodies. Just leave them and go back to your drink…” His voice trailed off a bit at the end as he finally looked up at Charlie for the first time this evening. His eyes got a little wider and his pulse quickened. His face became flush as she turned and her dark purple eyes met his. His face began to turn red as he noticed Charlie’s cocky smile turn into a wide-eyed look of anxiety—the same look a child gives when they’ve been caught stealing cookies from their father’s secret jar (or precious coin from a deposit box from a couple of short-tempered hat sellers).

  “A tiefling? Seriously?! You could have gone with anything. Literally. Anything. And you just had to go with a fucking tiefling?!” Charlie’s deep blue skin turned a fancy red-purple in her now hot cheeks. She glanced over Andro’s broad shoulder and noticed Victoria staring directly at Charlie now with a look of horror and confusion. The things that must have been running through that poor girl’s mind at that moment…Charlie snaps her attention back to Andro and attempts a serious tone.

  “I haven’t—” she caught herself quickly realizing her accent had been washed away in the moment. She resumed with said aggressive accent, “Darlin’. I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re hintin’ at. But I do declare that this little issue is between myself and these three abhorrent gentlemen.” She gave a glare to Andro.

  Andro looked at her with somewhat disgust, then glanced behind her at the three hooded lizard creatures, then back to Charlie with a more calmed expression.

  “You know what, partner?” He emphasized “partner” with an accent that matched Charlie but still left much to be desired. “You go right on ahead and handle your business.” He spoke in a tone that seemed like he knew something she didn’t—like he was offering her a chance to learn a hard lesson.

  Charlie did not pick up on this, and if she did she certainly did not care, as she rolled her eyes and resumed her commanding posture and demeanor towards the three hooded figures. “Now boys…where were we? Oh I remember! I was just tellin’ y’all to go on ahead and pay yer bills and get outta town.”

  So-Nobu had been sitting quietly and less than comfortably in his chair. He was a man of details, discretion and order. This was the antithesis of all those things. He wanted nothing more than to down his drink and leave the bar immediately. He would find a way to make a living somewhere else, with someone else, in someway else. But he also knew that he was a man of duty and morality (mostly…) and to leave his… Friends? Cohorts? Acquaintances? business partners (he finally thought that one fit best in this moment) would simply not live up to his alignment and better judgement.

  Sidenote: It is believed by many that people who exist, have consciousness and can make their own decisions, will fulfill their actions only through what they know as their “alignment”. An alignment, to most people, is a sort of unspoken rubric that guides a person through their decision-making and action-taking processes. It is believed that most peoples’ alignments are considered to be either “Neutral Good” or “True Neutral”. What this means is that most peoples’ actions or decisions would be considered good or neutral (meaning their actions either positively impact, or do not impact, those around them).

  There is a reality, however, that some peoples’ alignments fall under more extreme sides of the spectrum. Some may fall on the overly ambitious Lawful Good in which all things must abide by a clear and decisive set of laws and rules to bring about a greater good. Though they may seem annoying to the average Neutral aligned person, they have good intentions. The opposing side of the spectrum can host far more sinister peoples. Chaotic Evil is exactly as it sounds—a pure form of damnable ways of thought and action. Any and all actions taken by someone with a chaotic evil alignment is meant to destroy anything that is considered neutral or good. Some believe that chaotic evil is the only essence powerful enough to destroy another chaotic evil, though it has been proven in the past that chaotic evil can be felled by other alignments.

  To surmise, alignments are simply and unspoken rubric that people involuntarily use on a day-to-day basis to carry out their actions and decisions. There are great variations of alignments, but people can share these alignments amongst themselves. Additionally, most peoples of differing alignments can coexist with one another except for the aforementioned chaotic evils.

  So-Nobu was about to stand up but was slumped back into his chair as a heavy hand shoved his shoulder down. He looked up to see the rotund waitress looking up at Charlie and the three hooded figures. She spoke without breaking sight of them, “You lot won’t be causin’ me no issues tonight. I gots me first day off in munfs comin’ up, n’ I don’t want to be cleanin’ up your entrails all over the floors. You ‘ear me?!” She spoke with an unwavering, commanding voice. The room fell silent, save for the poorly-stifled snickerings of the dwarves across the room.

  “Sorry Darlin’,” Charlie attempted to sound sympathetic without losing her commanding demeanor, “I was just makin’ certain that these three here didn’t get any ideas about harassin’ that green fellow any further.” She motioned with her dagger at the figures and to So-Nobu before coming back to the three figures.

  The rotund waitress bit the inside of her bottom lip as her lips pursed tightly and her nostrils flared. A cautioning eyebrow raised high on her head which did not take away from her menacing scowl in the least.

  “Now you listen ‘ere missy,” her eyes became so narrowed one could hardly notice her pupils, “You put that butter knife back in your pocket where it came from and I won’t ‘ave to shove it up your arse handle-side first. We clear on ‘at?”

  Charlie’s drew back a bit, her face showing clear hints of concern. Even the dwarves fell silent across the room upon hearing this. Charlie sucked her lips in so that they disappeared into her face as she slowly put the dagger back somewhere between her cloak and waist.

  “You t’ree,” the waitress looked directly at all three hooded figures, “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’ll be ‘avin none of it, ya ‘ear? Clear your mugs and then clear yourselves. Don’t make me bring out the boss man…”

  The hooded figures hissed at her, looked at each other, and then raised their mugs to their lips. They took long sips, ale dribbling out of their jaws between the spaces of their jagged teeth. They set the mugs down and wiped their faces roughly with the backs of their hands.

  “I said fuckin’ clear ‘em!” The waitress’ grip on So-Nobu’s shoulder tightened as one of his eyes gave a narrowed twitch in response to it. Her eyes were fixed on the three hooded figures.

  Again, she was met with their scowls and glares, but they lifted their mugs and began to pour the drinks down their long, scaly gullets. More ale dribbled and spilled from the sides of their jaws and onto their robes, table, seats and floor. Each one finished their mug and slammed it on the table. One of the creatures gave out a belch and turned towards the waitress, blowing it in her direction. She seemed undisturbed by this, though So-Nobu could feel his eyes starting to burn and water from it.

  The hooded creatures stood up from their seats, revealing two things. First, they were not that much taller than the dwarves. In fact, Charlie was hardly taller than them herself, but that didn’t stop her from standing up a little straighter to pronounce her vertical advantage upon noticing this. The second thing they revealed was the bottom of their robes jutted out slightly from the middle due to a long, ridged tail. It was thicker than a tiefling’s tail, which were relatively thin depending on the race and physique of the tiefling.

  The three figures gave one last glare towards Charlie as they walked around her and towards the door. She heard one of them give a muffled snarl towards her as it passed. She followed them with her eyes as they walked past her. Andro, with his hands on his hips, looked down at them as they walked towards the door. He gave a glance back towards Victoria who was still struck with discomfort and confusion and gave her a flirtatious wink. She did not return the wink, nor did she look any less uncomfortable.

  The waitress’ grip on So-Nobu’s shoulder finally released and he slowly stood up. The waitress was nearly the same height as he, though not as tall as Andro, as he turned to her to speak.

  “Please accept my apologies for antagonizing those patrons. It was never my intention to—”

  The waitress put up her large hand just in front of his face. “Save it. You lot ‘ave one chance to explain yourselves, or you’ll get tossed out with the likes of them.” She pointed towards the door which had just finished closing—only silhouettes of the hooded creatures could be made out from the grease-stained windows as they disappeared into the night.

  The three hat salesmen all looked around at each other wondering which one should speak. So-Nobu spoke first, “You see, we are here looking—”

  Andro cut So-Nobu off, “We are looking for an old acquaintance of an old acquaintance. Someone who may have a friend in Amhull?”

  The waitress raised her brow again as her eyes narrowed on Andro. “So you come ‘ere to muscle ‘em up? That’s it innit? Thought this ‘ere tavern’d be good a place ‘s any to rough up this acquaintance?”

  “Actually quite the opposite,” Andro continued calmly. “We want to escort him back to Amhull. To safety.”

  “Wot are you hinting at? You saying this ‘ere Tavern ain’t safe ‘nuff for ya?” The waitress looked deeply insulted.

  Andro now raised a questioning brow at the waitress as he shifted his look towards the door where the three hooded figures just left through. He returned his look towards the waitress who did a poor job of stifling her nonverbal acknowledgment that Andro was very much correct in his assumption. She looked as though she wanted to explain it away to the three of them, but shook herself to senses.

  “I said you had one chance to explain yourselves. You explained yourselves and I don’t like it one bit. I don’t. You lot seem to be up to no good. Who’s this your looking for anyways? You seen ‘em in this tavern? I doubts it. We only get locals in here. Thought maybe it was for them tieflings for a moment ‘til I seen you make your little mess.” She wagged her pointer finger up and down in the direction of Victoria who’s eyes were wide with embarrassment as she stared off into a space between the floorboards.

  Andro looked back at Victoria realizing her interests in him and this whole situation were wavering (more than wavering, she had already checked out completely). Andro closed his eyes and the corner of his top lip curled up slightly. This was a clear sign that he was becoming agitated, and when Andro got agitated it took a lot to bring him back down. Usually, it required someone admit he was right and they were wrong. He would then reiterate this fact back to them and they would have to acknowledge it again as saying anything snarky or contrary would lead to him becoming angry. Andro was not easy to placate when he became angry. Often he would find something to throw, hit, kick and/or verbally maim. His curled lip was the best he could do to suppress this process and So-Nobu was quick to notice it.

  “You mentioned you had a boss?” So-Nobu interjected from behind the waitress. She turned to him now with a disapproving look.

  “Oh, aye. That I did. But you’ll be ‘avin no business with him tonight. He’s off for the night and won’t be wantin’ to be disturbed.”

  “I understand. And we do not wish to disturb him. However, it would seem that this may be an exception to the rule. Would you at least be willing to ask him?”

  The waitress narrowed her eyes once again as she looked at each of the hat salesmen before going back to So-Nobu.

  “Fine,” she said dryly “I’ll ask. But if he says no, then you got no more business ‘ere this evening and I expect you lot to clear out quicker than those kobolds.”

  She didn’t stay for a response of gratitude from So-Nobu as she walked past him, bumping him slightly as she did. So-Nobu fixed his posture to straight up and alert. Charlie noticed his hand was already on the hilt of one of his swords at the same time Andro noticed the fire in his eyes. Charlie scurried over to So-Nobu and put her hand on his arm and whisepered, “Down boy…”

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  So-Nobu kept his stare on the waitress who waddled back through the narrow kitchen door. He released his hand from the sword’s hilt and relaxed his shoulders slightly.

  “Kobolds, eh? What would those dirt-divers be doing in a joint like this?” Andro spoke as he looked with curiosity towards the entry door.

  “Well, they are known for mining, and this is a mining town…” Charlie added with curiosity in her tone as well.

  Andro shook his head, “Nah. They may mine for shit from time to time, but only for shit they want. They wouldn’t be working for some bigwig in charge of a mining corporation like those mud midgets.” Andro pointed with his thumb over his shoulder towards the dwarves who were attempting to keep one of them standing by hooking his arms around their necks. They began staggering towards the door, but only made it about halfway before losing balance and falling on top of one another. A cacophony of exhausted laughter, belches, farts and groans followed as they attempted to bring themselves back upright.

  “I had seen them before…” So-Nobu now turned slightly towards the other two, still facing the direction of the kitchen where the waitress was nowhere to be seen.

  “The dwarves?” asked Charlie.

  “The kobolds.”

  “Where did you see them?” Andro began to interrogate.

  “Just outside of Amhull. Yesterday before we met with Spider. They were wearing those hoods. They ran off into the woods when they noticed I was looking their direction.”

  “So you think they recognized you?”

  “It’s quite possible.”

  Charlie now added, “So these kobolds. They kind of look like the weird robe guys that work for Spider. You think there may be a connection?”

  Andro responded, “It’s possible. If not, it certainly is one crazy coincidence.”

  “Coincidentally looking for the same informant as we are.” So-Nobu acknowledged.

  “Perhaps…” Andro realized he had completely forgotten about Victoria. He turned around to see her grabbing her coat and folding it over her arm. She noticed Andro had finally brought his attention back to her and began to move faster.

  “Vicki! Hey girl, I’m so sorry about all that. Hey listen, c’mon…”

  As Andro attempted to convince the pretty, yet traumatized tiefling to stay, the dwarves made their way out of the tavern. So-Nobu and Charlie took seats at the bar and waited for the waitress to return. They turned around when they heard the entrance door slam shut. Andro stood in front of it, staring down at the ground with slumped shoulders. He looked up at the ceiling, gave a loud, full-body sigh and turned towards the bar.

  “That’s two nights in a row that I have been cock blocked. Two.” He held up two long fingers as he walked to the bar in back where So-Nobu and Charlie were sitting.

  They knew better than to say anything in this moment as it would undoubtedly incite a long-winded lecture of how he “needs to get a release” and how they were “always blocking him”. So, they turned back in their chairs to face the wall. The waitress was still nowhere to be seen.

  “This guy gets it.” Andro’s attention now went to the only remaining patron in the tavern, the old man who was hunched over his beer.

  The old man’s head trembled a little as he tried to look up at Andro who was now approaching his table. The man’s eyes were wide and looked a bit confused as they wandered back to the beer. Andro took a seat next to the old man whom they had heard went by the name of Varis. Andro folded his arms and hunched in similar fashion to meet the man’s eye level.

  “I bet you seen your fair share of blockings and bumpings, am I right old-timer?” Andro’s voice was friendly and not in the least bit harassing. Still, the old man would slowly look to Andro and back to his beer with wide-eyed confusion. His neck trembling and spasming as he shifted his gaze from one to the other.

  “What’s the secret? I know you know it. C’mon man, I’m begging you to impart some wisdom to me. What’s the secret to getting women to just sleep with you? Is it shinier armor pieces? Or what if it’s tighter greaves to accentuate your giant schlong?”

  “Giant schlong…” the old man echoed in a frail, whispery voice.

  “Yea? Giant schlong works? Ok nice, nice. What else?”

  “What else…” another whispery echo from Varis.

  “Do I have to be more invested? Y’know make ‘em think that I’m trying to get married, but like nah, I’m not trying to get married, but make ‘em think you wanna get married?”

  “Get married…”

  Andro flinched his head back and gave a look of disturbed confusion. “Whoa, whoa old man. I’m not trying to wife somebody up here.”

  “Wife somebody up…”

  Andro’s eyes drooped as he spoked back to the other two sitting at the bar, “Yeah guys, I think this one’s past his expiration date. Someone needs to reset his needle cuz his record keeps skipping.”

  “Keep skipping…”

  Andro shook his head and pat the old man on the hump on his back. “Not gonna lie, it’s a little selfish to keep all those secrets to yourself my man. But I oddly respect it.”

  The waitress finally reappeared from behind a drawn curtain on the back wall. She waddled into the kitchen and grabbed some empty glasses as she spoke, “Sorry folks, you’ll get no audience with the big man tonight. He’s already turned in and doesn’t want to be disturbed. So, shove off, the whole lot of ya.”

  Just as So-Nobu and Charlie were about to give their final protests, they heard the slam of the entrance door once again. Standing in the frame was a kobold, but this one did not dawn a black hood like the others. It had on a loose robe with the hood pulled back to reveal the scaly, dragon-like features of its face. The robes were opened at the chest, revealing a large necklace made up of fangs, bones and other strange objects. It looked like a strange witchdoctor or shaman. In his hand he held a wooden staff that folded into a nob at the top. Just below the nob of the staff was another smaller necklace with similar smaller objects tethered to it. It rattled as he slammed the staff on the ground with each step he took into the tavern.

  He was short like the other kobolds, but possessed far more brilliant colors than the others. The scales and ridges were permeated by hues of vivid greens, oranges and reds. The bright colors bled through the dull amber skin tones along edges of his face. He was followed by three hooded kobolds, the same ones who occupied a table in the tavern not minutes ago. One of the three kobolds held a crossbow while the other two kept their hands hidden by behind their cloaks and waists.

  They had nearly gotten to the middle of the tavern when the waitress spoke up. “Nope! No. You lot, shove off this instant! I mean it, I will use your bones for broth if you don’t turn heel and clear out immediately!” She stormed up towards them, passing quickly through the narrow kitchen door. As she was nearly three strides away from arms-length of the strange shaman kobold, the one holding the crossbow raised it and pointed it at her. Without a word, he pulled the trigger and fired a projectile towards the waitress. It whizzed through the air for a moment then produced a net that sprung open and wrapped itself tightly around the waitress. The waitress fell hard to the ground, the net’s heavy sphere anchors twisting rapidly around her ankles. She grunted and writhed on the floor, hardly able to move more than a few fingers and her mouth as she spoke, “You fockin’ lot! I’ll rip your ‘eads clean off and stick ‘em in the toilets as fuckin’ urinal cakes, you ‘ear me!”

  So-Nobu and Charlie were already standing at attention, but did not interfere as the shaman kobold raised his staff and struck the waitress’s head with the knobbed end of it. She let out a pained groan as her eyes flickered and then shut. A thin line of blood trickled from where she was struck.

  The shaman looked up at So-Nobu and Charlie, and then over to Andro and Varis. Andro had his full attention to the shaman, though he was still seated while Varis whispered to the bubbles in his beer. “Urinal cakes…urinal cakes…”

  The shaman glared at Charlie and then finally spoke. “You threatens usss…” He snarled and showed his teeth. “Givesss us the girl,” he spoke to So-Nobu, “and you go home alivesss…”

  Andro finally stood up, showing the kobolds just how much taller he was than any of them stacked up on each other’s shoulders. The shaman gave a hissing crackle of laughter as he watched Andro begin to stagger over.

  “Listen, punk…” Andro began to speak with a corner of his top lip curled up, but then his attention was drawn back to the entryway. A low roar followed by the sound of heavy wood slamming cobblestone bellowed from just beyond the doorway. Andro took a cautionary step back, shaping his hands at his sides as he did.

  The slamming wood and the roars continued and increased in volume as they drew closer to the doorway. The light from the tavern illuminated another hooded kobold who was holding the end of a rope over his shoulder. Giving it some tugs and a mild shriek command the other end of the rope came into view. It was cinched around a large collar. The collar was wrapped tightly around the neck of a beast that stood taller and broader than Andro. As it came into the light, Andro see exactly what it was: a troglodyte.

  These creatures were known to reside deep underground and would eat anything and everything, bones and all. He had never seen one himself in person, but from the stories he heard and read, he knew that taming one was nearly impossible. Yet here hit stood on two giant legs, lips unfurling and spasming as large drops of thick spittle drooled through its long, jagged teeth that protruded outside the lips at some points. Its eyes were small and beady and nearly entirely black were it not for the faint hue of red in them. Its face was elongated and flat which produced an even flatter snout with large flaring nostrils which were dripping with clear mucus. A forked tongue whipped up quickly from between two jagged, sharp teeth and licked the mucus into its mouth.

  The kobold with the other end of the rope noticed the large beast had stopped and began to stare directly at Andro who stared right back at it. It gave a good tug at the end of its rope, causing the beast to flinch slightly in the direction its collar yanked. It opened its wide maw and gave out a screech as it swiped at the kobold with its large, webbed hands. A claw caught the kobold’s hooded cloak and pulled him back as it caught on his forehead.

  The kobold let out a yelp as it tumbled to the floor, frantically reaching for more rope as it lost its balance. The troglodyte wasted no time upon seeing this. In an instant, it hunched its legs and dug its clawed feet into the floorboards before pouncing on top of the kobold. It held down the kobold’s arms with its two giant webbed claws and bit down on the kobold’s face. A painful shriek came from the kobold as the troglodyte’s jaws began to crush the kobold’s skull with crackling and crunching sounds. The troglodyte’s head shook fiercely as it gripped the kobold’s skull causing his neck to snap and flail about in its jaws.

  The shaman kobold lifted its staff and slammed it into the ground. The troglodyte’s head whipped around and looked directly at the shaman. Chunks of bloodied meat dangled like strings and ripped cloth from its crooked teeth. It released the kobold which was now very much dead (or at least one would hope to be under such circumstances) and came back slowly to its feet. The shaman looked at the kobold that was holding the crossbow and barked something at it in a language only they could understand. The kobold gulped and set his crossbow down on a nearby table before stepping towards the hulking beast. The troglodyte breathed heavily, its shoulders rising and falling as it did.

  The kobold stepped carefully over the dead kobold on the ground and glanced at its face. Except there was no face, only a ripped up, bloody mess of a canvas that once was the kobold’s face. A face that was in shreds and pieces between the troglodyte’s teeth and gullet. The crossbow kobold picked up the bloody end of the rope and, without thinking, gave a gentle tug at the end of it to motion for the beast to follow it. The kobold froze as it heard the beast huff behind it—he could feel the black, beady eyes staring through him. He turned around slowly and met the beast’s eyes. He didn’t realize his hands were trembling as he held the end of the rope.

  The shaman slammed his staff once more and the beast stood at attention facing the staff. The hat salesmen stood in rigid silence at what they witnessed. They did their best to suppress any facial expressions, but Charlie’s eyebrows did a dance of apprehension, nonetheless. The shaman looked back to Andro with a toothy grin and spoke again.

  “Givesss the girl. Keeps their livesss.” The shaman pointed with a clawed finger towards Charlie. Charlie looked at Andro, a hint of desperation in her eyes. Andro, looked back at Charlie and then back to the shaman.

  Andro was about to respond when Varis began to shriek and holler in pure terror. The old man was looking up from his bubbles and staring at the collared beast. Something must have jarred that aging mind, because his screams were desperate, exasperated, and unceasing. The beast shook violently at the sound of the incessant cries which caused the crossbow kobold to lose the grip on the end of the rope. The beast focused on the old man screaming and bounded on all fours towards him. It passed between Andro and the shaman like a blur, knocking the shaman back slightly.

  The beast gave out a roar as it leapt in the air towards Varis, claws extended and jaw agape ready to dig in to yet another helpless skull. The roar transformed into an airy whimper as the beast’s body flung towards the front of the tavern. It crashed into the wall and slumped to its side on the floor. A long halberd protruded from the side of its skull, pierced through to the other side just under its eye. The eye bulged out of its socket, and it flickered and searched desperately for vision that quickly faded. The beast weakly pawed at the floor with its claws gaining no grip or traction as it continued to whimper and give its final breaths. Varis’ screams had ceased. The room fell silent.

  All eyes shifted from the felled creature to the back of the room from where the halberd came flying. Swaying in a drunken stupor stood a large, unkept bugbear in a heavily stained apron. He was tall, hairy and hefty in the stomach region. His hair grew thick on his head and around his ear and jaw line. His mouth was bulbous and protruded out slightly like an ape. Thick, brown animalistic hair grew out of his back and arms and chest. One large tooth from the bottom of his jaw sat outside his top lip at all times. He hiccupped loudly and pointed in the direction of the kobolds. He closed one eye as he swayed back and forth to try and focus his point on the shaman, though it never truly landed on him.

  “Bugg *hic* buggah! Bugg bug brrrggrrrr….” The bugbear’s eyes flickered as he slumped to the floor, his words (if you can even call them words) slurring and fading away in his drunken stupor. The room sat in confusion for a moment with everything that had just transpired. Andro turned back towards the shaman and with a stoic look spoke.

  “I’d say that makes this a pretty fair fight.” Water began to dance erratically around inside of his shaped hands.