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Chapter 19 - Heroes are Clueless

  The Demon Lord's Point of View

  Out of all the things that could have happened while I was gone, Dain kidnapping the hero hadn't crossed my mind as a possibility. What was the point of a bodyguard if I couldn't trust him to stay by Willow's side? I guess it was kind of my fault for telling him to give her anything she wanted, but who would have thought she'd want that buffoon?

  Honestly, I thought she had better taste than that. He probably wouldn't be any more help than I was with planning the final book anyway. Neither of us knew how things were supposed to end. That's how stories worked.

  My nose twitched as something delicious-smelling drifted into my room. I sat up slowly. Was that bacon? I made my way to the kitchen to find Willow by the stove with her hair tied back and Inkheart floating nearby pointing at something on a notebook.

  "It's just eggs," Willow said. "I can handle bacon and eggs."

  The pen's feather drooped.

  "Oh fine, show me the recipes." She leaned over to peek at the notes Inkheart had written for her and smiled. "That actually sounds delicious. Maybe we can pick up ingredients in town today and try it?"

  Inkheart leapt up in excitement, splattering ink everywhere. Watching Willow cook while chatting with that magical pen was oddly soothing, as if this was how every day should start. Just her enjoying the morning with good food and friends.

  She must have heard me come in because she turned back with a bright smile. "Good morning!"

  That smile was so warm I wasn't sure how to respond. It was like walking outside when the sun was shining and basking in the heat. I swallowed hard, trying not to think about kissing her again. It had happened so fast and I'd panicked afterwards, making some excuse about demons kissing their friends. Ugh. I was lucky she believed me and we could keep sharing moments like these without all the awkwardness my feelings would bring.

  Her forehead creased. "Everything okay?"

  "Everything's fine." I nodded at her calmly and moved closer to the stove, watching the eggs slowly turn from clear to white in the pan and the bacon sizzle. "You didn't have to cook breakfast."

  "Oh, were you going to?" She gave me a wicked smile. "I'd pay to see that. We could even get you an apron and everything."

  Ohhh, please make it say "kiss the chef"! I love those aprons.

  "Kiss the chef?" Willow laughed softly. "I doubt he'd wear an apron like that, Inkheart."

  She peeked at me for just a moment before turning back to the pen, but it was long enough to catch the faint rosy hue coloring her cheeks. So maybe she didn't really believe that whole friend kiss thing after all, but at least she didn't seem to be upset about it. I smiled as she pulled four plates down from a cabinet that didn't have plates in it the last time I was here, lining them up on the counter to pile them high with eggs and crispy bacon.

  "Four plates?" My eyes narrowed. "Are you making breakfast for that hero?"

  "Well yeah, did you think I'd let him starve?" Willow rolled her eyes, shoving two plates in my hands. "Come on, let's all eat together."

  She wandered over to the table, setting the plates down next to glasses of water and silverware. Dain marched in shortly after with the hero in tow and suddenly my warm and cozy morning disappeared like a dream I could barely remember.

  "Hero." I inclined my head at him as I sat at the head of the table.

  He lifted his chin. "Demon Lord."

  Willow gave us both a funny look. "Are you two going to do that every time you see each other?" When neither of us responded, she sighed and took Cinder from the hero's arms. "Well sit down before the food gets cold. A good meal makes everything better."

  "Unless it's poisoned." The hero sat down at the very edge of his chair and sniffed the food. His eyes widened, but he quickly covered it up with a look of indifference. "It smells good, I guess. But I certainly won't be eating it."

  A hungry grumble echoed in the kitchen and he slapped a hand over his stomach. Willow hid a smile behind her hair as she bent down to feed Cinder a few carrots and a handful of hay. Her gaze flicked up to mine and she jerked her head at the hero like I should do something.

  I blinked at her before slowly turning to the hero. "Well, that's your choice, but it's not like we're fattening you up for the slaughter or anything."

  Everyone got really quiet. Dain joined us at the table, shaking his head. "That was actually the hero's first guess before poison."

  Willow laughed. "Man, the two of them are so much alike, aren't they?"

  "Hey!" I shouted in unison with the hero. "I mean, no, we are not. We're eternal enemies."

  "Right, right, of course." Willow nodded as she finished up with Cinder and joined us at the table. She leaned over to take a bite of the hero's eggs and snag a piece of bacon. "Mmmmm.....tastes wonderful. Not a trace of poison, and I'd know, I am an apothecary after all."

  The hero waited a few more moments until she finished every bite of that bacon and then dug in, wolfing his food down like he'd been imprisoned for days instead of spending one night in an unlocked and unguarded room. I bet he hadn't even tried to leave. How was he the man who'd led armies against us and destroyed all our towns? If I hadn't known better, I'd think he was the hero's look-alike or something.

  "This is delicious!" he mumbled through a mouthful of food. "Seriously, it's so good. Thank you for the meal."

  Dain nodded. "Agreed. Thank you, my lady."

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  "You're both very welcome." She smiled and took a big bite of eggs, then stared at me. "Aren't you going to eat too?"

  If it was anyone else asking, I'd have stormed away from the table and called them a ridiculous human or maybe a fool. But this was Willow and it was my fault she was here in the first place trying to finish my book. She rarely asked me for anything either.

  I sighed and picked up the fork, taking a small bite of well-seasoned eggs. Her grin widened as she set to eating her food with gusto, bouncing happily as if we were a sweet little family eating breakfast together. It just felt so wrong seeing the hero across from me every time I looked up. Even worse seeing Willow refill his plate with seconds.

  This was the man who wanted me dead and she was practically fangirling over him like all those people had done with me at the library!

  If I was being fair, the hero didn't seem as bloodthirsty as I assumed he'd be. He hadn't attacked Dain even after getting kidnapped and he'd done nothing but thank us since he started eating. Maybe Willow was right about this plot twist concept and the hero being misled. I couldn't wrap my mind around this story otherwise.

  "What are you planning, hero?" I snapped off a piece of bacon, chewing it slowly. "Are you really going to invade our peaceful village? Or are you waiting for me to do something?"

  He gulped down half his glass of water before slamming it back down on the table. "Ah, that really hit the spot. What a good way to start the day!" Then he glanced at me with a shrug. "I've got no idea honestly. I'm waiting to hear from the holy priest and the King."

  My eyebrows shot up. "So you don't even make your own battle plans?"

  "Wait, that's not what I meant." He scratched his head, wincing. "Forget I said that. I am completely prepared to invade this city of monsters, yes."

  Wow. He really was so oblivious, just like the books made him seem. There was no way he was the mastermind behind all of this.

  Willow leaned forward, patting his hand. "It's okay, I didn't hear a thing. But I am curious what got you into this hero business. Did you always want to be one or did a priest just show up at your door one day and hand you the holy sword?"

  "A bit of both, actually." The hero ran a hand through his flowing golden locks that only heroes ever seemed to have and smiled. "It all started when I was a child playing hero with my friends. We'd race around the town helping anyone who needed it and doing heroic deeds. But then my mother thought it was a good idea for me to start training with the sword so I could become a knight at the royal castle and suddenly I was too busy training to play hero. I was going to be a hero for real!"

  His story went on like that for what felt like hours, and during that time, I kept noticing a curious thing. Willow was nodding and smiling like she was fascinated, but her gaze kept flicking over to Inkheart who was writing so fast I thought the pages might catch fire as the pen whipped across them.

  Was this her casual way of getting information out of him without arousing suspicion? Now that was clever. I leaned back in my chair, admiring her ingenuity. I never would have thought that breakfast and a few choice questions would have him spilling his entire life story when he'd been adamant about not being interrogated last night.

  The demons could learn a thing or two from this woman. The way her mind worked was absolutely brilliant.

  Willow gasped over something. "Oh no! What happened then?"

  "Then I–" the hero froze, staring at me. "Wait a minute, did you put truth serum in my food? Or maybe something to loosen my lips?"

  I shook my head, a grim smile on my face. "Oh no, hero, you did that all on your own. Seems like you like to talk."

  "Which is a good thing!" Willow said, kicking my shin under the table. "I love hearing about your adventures."

  My leg tingled from where she'd kicked me, but it didn't really hurt. It amused me more than anything, like we were a married couple telling each other to shut up when one of us said too much. I'd seen lots of people like that at the library and had always found their bickering so wonderful.

  The hero's chair scraped against the floor as he backed away. "No, you're his wife! You're just trying to trick me."

  "Actually, I'm not really his wife," she said, "and I'm not trying to trick you. I really do enjoy your stories." She shook her head at Dain who looked like he was about to stand up and handle this situation. "I can prove it. Just give me a minute."

  She ran out of the room, leaving me alone with Dain, the hero, a demon bunny, and a magical pen that couldn't help but say the most uncomfortable things. The silence was only broken by the pen's scratching and the pages flipping. What would all its notes say at the end of this?

  Thankfully Willow came back before it got any more awkward, her arms full of the books I'd brought from the library. My books. She dropped them on the table in front of the hero, shoving his plate out of the way.

  "See?" She grinned, motioning at the covers with handsome illustrations of the hero on them. "I've been reading about your heroic journey for years. They're some of my favorite books."

  Favorite books, huh? She was laying it on a little thick, but his eyes were full of stars as he stared at the covers. Seriously, how was he the one winning all these battles when he was so easily thrown off course?

  He picked up a book, turning it this way and that. "Hmmm, the artists did an amazing job with these. They really captured my heroic vibes and strong jawline."

  I snorted. "Aren't you even curious why she has books about you in the first place?"

  "That's a good point!" The hero flipped through the pages, eyes moving back and forth as he read snippets. "Are you a stalker? How else would you know all these details?"

  Willow glared at me and then plastered a big fake smile on her face. "I'm more of a fan than a stalker. These are..." She looked up at the ceiling as if lost in thought before holding her hand up. "These are part of a biography I'm writing about you! Yeah, somebody has to document your tale and I thought why not me?"

  His mouth formed an O as he nodded. "That makes sense. My deeds are valiant and should be recorded. But this detail is astounding. How did you know what I had for breakfast each day and what I wore?"

  "Oh that's easy, I just asked a few people what things you liked and guessed from there." She shot me a dirty look that made me oddly happy. Seeing her maneuver this situation with ease was beautiful to watch. "Sorry if it's weird. I meant it as an homage to your triumphs."

  "It's not weird at all. It's glorious!" The hero clapped her on the back. "When can we continue the story? I want to make sure you've got every detail you need."

  "Right now, if you want." Willow let out a breath, her shoulders relaxing as I gathered the plates up from the table. "Let's head to the castle library and start from the beginning."

  The hero rubbed his hands together, practically jumping with excitement. "This is going to be so much fun. I'll just let my comrades know I'm going to be late."

  "Late?" I laughed under my breath. "Don't you think they'll need more than that?"

  "You're right." The hero tapped his hand against his hip, biting his lip. "Oh! I've got it. I'll tell them I'm on a secret mission and they shouldn't come looking for me for at least three days. That should give us more than enough time. Well, maybe five days. Yes, five days should do the trick."

  I felt myself smiling even though his nonsense should be irritating me. There was just something about him that was difficult to hate, especially after reading all of his books multiple times. Any other hero would be using this time to take me down and end our story once and for all, but he was perfectly content to wait it out and help Willow first. It was so weird, but it's what made him the type of hero he was.

  "Good luck," I whispered to Willow. "If anyone can find a way to untangle all this, I'm sure it's you."

  She smiled softly. "I'll do my best not to disappoint you."

  Disappointment was one thing I'd never felt when I was around her. I was far too awestruck by her passion and creativity for anything else to register. Bringing the hero here might actually work out for us.

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