First Lady? Nobody mentioned that the Baron had a wife. But clearly none of us have done our homework…

  Lena froze for a second, but a split second after, she gave a smile that was just a little too wide. “Ah, First Lady! We were just, um… Having a little chat with the guards about this precious piece. We’re just here to deliver it as a secret gift from—”

  “What is this? Where did you get this?” The Lady demanded.

  “She got it from this person called Lord Muzin, Lady,” guarded number two stepped forward, “We have been unable to verify whether this Muzin person—”

  “Silence!” The Lady rumbled. “I am asking this fine lady. Is it for me? I don’t care if it’s a secret. I don’t like secrets. Tell me now.”

  “Yes, of course, my lady. It is a most wonderful table only suitable for an exquisite lady such as yourself.”

  The First Lady, clearly enchanted by the table’s beauty, gave an approving nod before turning to the guards. “And these guards are holding it back? Get it in there right now!” She waved a hand, dismissing the guards. “What are you waiting for? Are you questioning my taste? MOVE IT, or I’ll have you polishing the Iron Garden’s roses with your bare hands!”

  The guards, wide-eyed, immediately straightened up. “Terribly sorry, First Lady. Right away, ma’am!”

  Too easy. Where’s my gain, system? Where’s my gain?

  SYSTEM ALERT: Quest ‘The Babblemaster’ – Progress: 78%

  Warning: Guards not convinced. Recognition of assistance not achieved. No XP or rewards pending.

  Blorbo stirred.

  What? I helped. I helped by doing what a table is supposed to do! I stayed inanimate!

  Fine. You think it’s too easy? You wanna deny me of my HARD-EARNED GAINS?

  Who cares about easy entrance? Gimme my GAINS!

  Watch me help out.

  Then he stirred again. Not emotionally. Physically. His enchanted surface shivered, a tremor running through the woodgrain like someone had dropped a coin into his soul.

  [Surface Wobble] activated.

  Just a small shuffle. A gentle scrape. Enough to slide right in front of the guards like an overly eager waiter with today's specials. The guards jumped back. Lena yelped. Rob stared in horror.

  A table shouldn’t move.

  Yes! Lie now, Lena. LIE! Convince the guards!

  “What the—” Rob muttered, frozen.

  “...It’s alive?” one guard whispered.

  Lena opened her mouth. Closed it. Probably thinking about her life choices. Then, she plastered on the brightest grin she could manage, so bright the sunset bounced off her teeth. “Yes! Haha! Of course it moves! This is no ordinary table. This is a self-balancing, self-adjusting—highly sentient piece of enchanted craftsmanship. It’s a rare piece of magical furniture made by the Lord Muzin of the Far East that aligns itself with the kiwi of the room.”

  DON’T COPY FROM ANDERS. IT’S QI! NOT KIWI!

  Blorbo gave a pleased little wobble. His surface rippled encouragingly as he repeatedly spammed [Surface Wobble].

  “I—it uses advanced surface agitation to, um, test the aura of new environments,” Lena continued, sweat visibly forming. “Only the most refined spaces are worthy of hosting it. That’s why it moved. Your front gate? Not fancy enough.”

  “Not fancy enough?” The First Lady’s eyes widened.

  Rob winced.

  Oh, no, no, no. Bad move Lena, bad move. Lena was about to get them all executed via horticultural punishment.

  The Lady gasped. “Why of course! Why didn’t I see it before?! I knew that front gate was beneath me!” She whirled toward a stunned guard. “I need to tell the Baron to upgrade the front gate right this instant! Get me my scribe. And fetch the interior decorator. If the kiwi table disapproves, so do I!”

  Great move Lena, great move!

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  Rob buried his face in his hands.

  “Why didn’t it do that earlier?” the guard frowned.

  “Oh, it only activates in the presence of nobility,” Lena said, now completely making it up. “It senses class, power, and wealth. Only in the presence of the great First Lady here does it acknowledge greatness.”

  Blorbo tilted slightly toward the First Lady, as if bowing.

  She gasped, even more loudly than her last gasp. “It knows I’m important.”

  Rob looked like he was going to pass out.

  “See?” Lena spread her arms, almost dropping Blorbo. “Whoops! Anyway… The table recognizes you, my lady. It must have known this gift was destined for your hands all along.”

  The First Lady beamed, positively glowing.

  “Well, obviously it’s meant for me. Look at how respectful it is. It has taste. Unlike some people.” She glared at the guards.

  “I—we—we’ll get it inside right away,” the first guard stammered, now ever-so-slightly paler than before. “Right away, ma’am.” They proceeded to step out of the way for the First Lady to enter.

  SYSTEM UPDATE: Quest ‘The Babblemaster’ – Progress: 94%

  Recognition achieved. Rewards pending.

  And with that, they got in.

  Lena winked to Rob. “It’s all about the theatrics, Rob. And a bit of luck.”

  You did nothing, Lena.

  Rob frowned. “But why did the table move?”

  “Shh!” Lena put her finger in front of her lips. “Not now, honey. The lady is still in front of us.”

  I wonder if Anders has gotten in. His stealth skills are so advanced, we might likely have missed him altogether sometime earlier. Well, not my problem. Where are my REWARDS?

  As they stepped past the gate, another notification popped up.

  QUEST COMPLETED: The Babblemaster

  Reward: +100 EXP, +27 Proficient Point for [Forked Tongue]

  Skill: [Forked Tongue] has reached Level 2

  Subtle object interactions (like leaning, shaking, or shifting weight) are less likely to be noticed as intentional. If someone suspects foul play, they are 25% more likely to blame someone else first.

  Skill: [Surface Wobble] has reached Level 2

  The wobbles now look slightly more coordinated.