Darek was pretty pissed off. His family was infuriating. Uncles were annoying, brothers looked down at him, dad would always treat him like a child, and his mother was overprotective, a typical helicopter parent.

  And so, like every normal young man, he went drinking. Alone. His buddies were jerks too.

  The club wasn’t anything special, but booze wasn’t bad, so he chugged down a bit more than usual before approaching some girls. Today, he would get laid.

  .

  He got rejected. Nine times. He waited until people started leaving, so that remaining girls wouldn’t be so picky, but no. The last chick even went and insulted him. Pretty severely. Something about creeps and small dicks.

  Like she was any better. Fucking bitch was drunk too, but dared to shout this stuff with other people around.

  He went back to his table to drink more, but saw this same chick exiting the place. Alone.

  ‘Cunt. So what, yer sayin’ I’m not good enough for ye? Ye’ll go and jerk off alone because I don’t have a six pack ?’

  ‘This fucking whore’

  ‘We’ll see if you’ll keep up with your dumb ass standards!’

  Darek hauled his ass off the chair, thrown some money, and exited the club. The woman was walking with uneven steps, further slowed down by high heels and uneven sidewalk. He was stumbling too, but sports shoes gave him the advantage.

  Praise the shitty road engineering. Darek felt like he had to get revenge for his misfortunes, and this woman was like the staggering embodiment of his pent up frustrations.

  He wasn’t sure what exactly he would do once he managed to catch her, but his intent was definitely violent.

  ‘Ha! The dumb bitch entered a side alley’

  This place was a dead end. She probably entered it to vomit or something, too damn shy to just do it on a well lit sidewalk.

  Darek walked after her. His suspicions were proven correct as he saw the woman on her knees, puking her guts out. She still didn’t see him. Perfect.

  He would kick her right in that ass she stuck out while bending over.

  ‘Hmm. Ass’

  Come to think of it, he didn’t get laid yet, right? And he certainly wouldn’t get any tonight, not after that bitch shouted shit about small dicks, right? She should take responsibility, right? She surely wouldn’t mind, being a bitch and all, right?

  He unzipped his pants, and reached out with a hand no longer closed into a fist. But before he could grab the whore by her hips, Darek heard something behind him.

  “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Times change, but punks don’t. Young man, you have nothing impressive down there, so close that zipper before you cross a line there is no coming back from.”

  He turned around. Before him, there stood an old lady supporting herself with a cane, quarter or so of her face covered in a huge scar. She frowned with disapproval, as if picking a fight.

  Infuriating.

  ‘Fuck it, I’m three hundred pounds, I can take on some hag in a fight, even if she is a bit taller than me.’

  “You were the one who messed around where you have no business, don’t blame me, you fucking hag!”

  The moment he said that, he felt himself getting ran over by a truck. Or maybe mauled by a bear. Or something.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  He didn’t know from where exactly a truck would appear in this narrow alley. A bear would probably be even more unlikely to appear in the city. But it did not matter. The point is, Darek was pretty damn sure he was dead.

  He didn’t even think about it, it was as obvious as the fact that the sky is blue.

  Which is why he was a bit confused once he started to wake up.

  .

  He opened his eyes. His vision was still blurry, but he could recognize a white space before him.

  ‘Did I get Isekaied?’

  “Darek, sweetie? Are you awake?”

  Hmm. So, whatever entity summoned him had a voice similar to his mothers’, huh?

  “Give him a minute, he’s on some strong painkillers now.”

  It was his dad this time.

  Darek blinked several times, and his vision returned.

  ‘Oh. Not a white space. This is a ceiling.’

  He tried to get up, but couldn’t, so he simply turned his head towards voices.

  Indeed, those were his parents. And he was in a hospital. ‘Oh. No Isekai development for me, got it.’

  His dad looked him in the eye. “I would like to hear your side of the story later, but for now, just remember that I warned you, time and time again.”

  Darek had no strength left to even get angry at the ‘I warned you’ phrase.

  Instead, he recalled a vision of himself reaching for that girl with his dick hanging. Now that he was sober, sweat started dripping down his pale face. He almost became a rapist.

  ‘Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Never drinking like this again.’

  He hyperventilated for a bit. “I almost did something really unforgivable, didn’t I?”

  His father smiled with his mouth, but not his eyes. “Yup. You better give your thanks to Mrs. Valeria if you meet her again. She even went through the trouble of carrying your ass to the hospital and calling us. I trust you’ll be a bit more responsible in the future?”

  “Yeah. I give you my word.” There was no way Darek could reply with anything else. He really needed to get his shit together, and… Yeah, thank the person that stopped him.

  “Now, I will not punish you any further. Do you know why?”

  “No?”

  “Because the fact that you are awake means the your anesthesia is wearing off. I hope this ordeal will accomplish what me and your mother couldn’t.”

  “Painkillers? But I don’t feel any paAaAAAaaAaa!!!”

  He lost consciousness again.

  ---------------------------------------------

  “So? Care to tell me about that call my boys had two days ago? Something about an old woman carrying a big, young man like a sack of potatoes, and throwing him to hospital staff?”

  A middle aged man with facial hair resembling a swallow raised his brow and directed his gaze forwards.

  “Why would you ask me? Do I look like an old woman to you?”

  A mocking smile bloomed between numerous scars and wrinkles of his conversation partner.

  “Thirty years ago I would’ve denied. A decade later I would feel inclined to avoid answering that question. But now? Yes. Yes, you are old.”

  “How heartless.” The woman didn’t seem hurt. “What do you want to know?”

  “His injuries are quite something. Did you have a reason?”

  “He craved woman’s touch, so I let him have a fistful. And it’s easier to carry people after you fold them. Hehe.”

  “What did he do?”

  “Thankfully, nothing. That’s I handed him over to a hospital instead of a police station.”

  The man sipped his tea from a porcelain cup of a peculiar shape.

  “Sigh. Why in all cats and whiskers are you still doing it, Valeria?”

  “Doing what? Your job?”

  “You know police can’t be everywhere. I have nothing against an occasional volunteer work. Heck, I would be a hypocrite if I claimed to be against it. But that’s not what I’m asking about. Why are YOU still doing this? You have people, no? You were never one to clown around, pretending to be a young girl. So what gives?”

  “Nothing much. Just passing time.”

  “Do you have to much of it or something? If so, then I’m envious.”

  “If you’re so envious, why don’t you retire?”

  “Pffft. My daughter is pregnant. If I were to retire, then as a grandpa, I’d have to take care of a little kid 24/7. I prefer being the Chief of Police, thank you very much.”

  “Oh, Is she? Congratulations on becoming a grandfather then.”

  “Thank you, but don’t dodge my question.”

  “You mean that thing about the way I’m passing my time? It’s pretty simple, actually. I have at most a few years left in me. Might as well do something productive in the meantime.”

  The man raised his brow.

  “Did the doctors tell you that?”

  “Oh, no. Just a hunch. I won’t go to any doctors. I will call a priest when it’s time, though.”

  “Maybe you should visit a hospital?”

  “For what? So that I could be told they can extend my life another five years as long as I spend that time plugged to some machines? Most people my age that agree to something like that, do it because they don’t want to die before they see their grandchildren graduate high school or marry. I have no such motivations.”

  “So you’ll just be… Dying?”

  The man appeared thrown off.

  “Does that surprise you? I remember wiping your snot, ‘old man’. And it’s not like it’s happening tomorrow. More importantly, I recently got these.”

  Valeria changed to topic by showing a jar full of… something.

  “What are those?”

  “Pickled shrimp, apparently.”

  “Sounds weird and gross.”

  “Agreed, but I bought way too much alcohol that’s supposed to go well with them to not try it.”

  *POP*